Autumn a Time for Old and New

Autumn a time for old and new

A haze has hung heavy over our air space for the last few weeks.  Some of that has been a fog that autumn brings and some has been smoke from the fires which have raged as we all watched heartbroken and horrified for our neighbours to the south. Breathing has not come easy for those of us with asthma and other respiratory afflictions and tension surrounds me when I am out, with my mask on, picking up groceries.

I giggle awkwardly and say something about “Don’t worry it’s not “that” it’s just my asthma”.  Some people smile, some nod an understanding nod and some toss an untrusting glare in my direction.  People are afraid and frightened people can be  reactionary.

There has been a haze though lingering for months though.  We are getting tired now, we, us, society in general and all of us specifically. It has been a tough year and there does not seem to be an end in the foreseeable future.

Facebook scrolling seems more like a toxic waste dump of opinions and accusations and what we should or should not believe and I am growing weary.  Weary not even so much of the pandemic or restrictions but rather weary of the angst.  Weary of the name calling and the finger pointing and the heaviness of distrust. It has been too much to carry and just like a 7 bag doesn’t matter if it cuts off my circulation carrying groceries from the car run, it feels so good to put it down.  Just drop it. Let it go.

 Ahhhhh….doesn’t that feel better?  The pressure lifts from my shoulders and the feelings come back into my hands and I roll my neck around and it very quickly, feels better.

Maybe you are like me and maybe you aren’t and maybe all that doesn’t matter so much except to say that we have all had twisted plastic grocery bag burns on our hand and hearts from carrying this load for months and months now and maybe, just maybe, we can let it go, just put it down for a bit. The worry part, the tension, the heaviness.

Autumn is a time of old and a time of new.  Leaves turning vibrant orange and red and yellow and then swooshing down, down, down and now they are part of compost and new life. 

Autumn a time for harvest and a time for planting.  A time when our fireplaces start to crackle and you can smell soup simmering when you walk in the door.  A time to rejuvenate.  A time to nest. 

Autumn a time to plant our garlic and onions, some cabbage and broccoli too.  We start to plan ahead in a different way preparing for winter and next spring and still enjoying  morning walks on cool crisp sunny days.

I am wondering if we haven’t been all maybe needing a little autumn in our lives lately.  A time for fuzzy socks and sweaters with a burst of dust with the first use of our heat registers while we sip some fragrant Bengal Spiced tea and read a really good book.  The kind of book where we are lost in space and time and feel just a little sad when it ends. 

I have been using relaxation meditations lately.  Breathing in calm, positive energy and releasing all tension and worry.  Becoming more aware of how I hold my body in tension and choosing to relax those parts of my body as I become aware of that.

I cannot change a pandemic or anyone’s thoughts on it.  I have decided to be very intentional on how I process it all in my mind and my body and my spirit and my emotions.  I think most people I know, know that I am working on a diploma on line through Mind Body Education, a Holistic Wellness College in Australia.  HICAT (Holistic Integrated Creative Art Therapies).  Apparently, I am becoming a certified Art Therapist, I say apparently as, well, my new brain only allows me to read a little at a time and I scanned the course outline and missed the part about it being about me becoming an Art Therapist. I only took the course as a way to have more tools for my tool box in my own healing journey with my brain injury and trauma and as it turns out it is becoming the most beautiful course I have ever studied. 

I have been learning many things; some old, some new, some old in new ways and all of it beautiful and healing all with a wonderful holistic approach to wellness.

So for me, as days become shorter and nights longer and the rains will soon be coming, I am going to look forward to this autumn as a chance to relax and rejuvenate and reinvent.

A time to cocoon a little bit maybe and settle in for awhile.  Finish my book that I am writing, that should be ready to go to editing in the next few weeks.  I am very excited about this project and am looking forward to the next stages of completion.  I have found that the big red pen of editing can feel a little daunting and at the same time is a great way to have another look.  Then it is art and publishing and I feel good about it all so far.

Tonight, it is barely eight o’clock and pitch black outside.  Our girl Sammie (our German Shepherd) is laying down in front of me while Dave is at rehearsal.  It could be eight or midnight or anytime at all, everything is very still.

I am going to enjoy a tea and work a little more on my book and then to some relaxation meditations tonight.  I think I’ll put the fire on and get lost in the dance of the flames.